Hi Friends!

Recently, I was watching a match-making show, and observed that the couples who made it to “happily ever after” and a lifetime of love with their spouse all had one trait in common.

Before I tell you what that trait is, let me note that the #1 predictor of divorce + marital unhappiness is contempt. Couples who show small signs of contempt for their significant other/spouse are statistically the most at risk.

Contempt, as I mentioned above, can be shown in very subtle ways. A lack of respect, a lack of empathy, a lack of love - all of these signal contempt.

Further, studies show that couples who respond positively to their spouse’s bids for affection and love greater than 80% of the time have what is considered a “thriving marriage”.

If you search the Gottman Method, you’ll find a list of bids for connection. I find this list helpful in marriage and friendship. Missing a bid equals “turning away” from your spouse - turning away is the opposite of turning towards.

Now that all of the above has been said, it’s time to talk about what couples who find love have in common.

Kindness.

It’s so simple, yet so easy to miss.

When one spouse is scared, worried, upset, or hurting - the other offers kindness. I suppose this is simply another way of saying that the couple chooses to turn towards one another with positive responses to their bids for connection.

Kindness in my eyes, kindness in my smile; kindness in my heart and kindness in my words. Let me always be kind, for love favors the kind.

I hope you feel inspired to pursue kindness this week.

xx, Mrs P